Something seems worrying from the comments and observations I’ve read and heard personally, especially regarding Shuyukh building too rosy a picture about the ideal husband. It seems consistent to the current trend of making all aspects of Sharia to be like a law book where there must be one verdict at the end and someone must be proven guilty out of the two parties. What I mean is that, as far as we were taught in Madrasah, in many social/domestic contexts, there are two different commands for the people involved. A simple example is the encouragement in the Shar’ for the poor not to beg, whereas the rich have been encouraged to turn nobody away, etc. So, in the context of marriage, there are things that the wife must be told and things the husband must be told, and some both must be. I mean, what Shuyukh say about the ideal husband is no way incorrect, and if only the men would listen and learn, but is it appropriate to say that in front of women? I know people will say that it is said to men but then watched by women on YouTube, but I have heard where Shuyukh have spoken about it in the presence of both. Ulama (afaik) would usually speak about the ills of the audience in front of them. I know that often would make them feel very low, something it is argued that modern masses are unable to digest, causing them to be driven away, but there must be a balanced or wise way of getting the point through, no? I guess itâ€™s a method weâ€™ll have to come up with, something that will be hard to learn from â€œothersâ€ whose emphasis is merely on oneâ€™s rights and not duties. Maybe itâ€™s a mix of the â€œrightsâ€ mind-set and an exaggerated attempt to recover the confidence of the Mathluma woman, thatâ€™s leading to what weâ€™re talking about? Anyway, there must be a way. Havenâ€™t our maktabs (well some of them) learnt how to discipline the students (tarbiyah, whatever the correct word is) without the luxury of the stick, or without giving in to adopting a hedonistic ethos of the child being allowed to do as he pleases? Although the analogy may be slightly extreme, is it not slightly similar to telling parents about their parenting shortcomings and advising them in front of their own children? Or, in a madrasah, lecturing the Asatitha in front of the students? There must be some similarities, albeit small (and I don’t mean to compare women to children or students, so will be grateful for a better example, then again I guess the richa nd poor one does). Therefore, what I suggest is that in mixed audiences (I mean where Men and Women are targets), those things are spoken about which concern both sides, i.e. parenting, sabr, shukr, qanaâ€™ah, etc., Then, the duties and right (of others) to be spoken about to each gender. Please do let me know where Iâ€™ve missed out on reality if I have.
Comparing one from colun A and one from column B is an unfair comparison. You’re simplifying Jack’s argument to make it sound worse and giving more nuance to Anita’s argument to make it sound better. At their core, they are still the same argument: that you get your morality in a warped form from the media you consume. Both of their arguments ignore the fact that humans share a largely-consistent morality and would not normally be prone to violence or misogyny. Neither do comic books encourage juvenile delinquency, neither do rock lyrics encourage suicide.
As a sister, I know what happens when you put the women in a back room with no men around- the children run around like wild when their fathers aren’t around, and the women can hardly hear a thing, so they end up speaking the whole time asking each other ‘did you hear what he said?’. and to top it off, the speaker systems often cut out and we leave after not learning much of anything.
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But my experience doesn’t vindicate this sentiment… and I knew a lot of other “homies”… I don’t think the rub-off effect is that serious. Homies just do the work, without getting any extra rewards or fitnas!
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(And if I sound harsh, and please forgive me, it is a strong wake-up call to other sisters not to be seduced into emotionally caretaking for these men who are not your mahrims! That is what starts the trouble in the first place.
I disagree with your argument. Going to either extreme is dangerous, actually. We need level-headed thinking, not everyone jumping on a bandwagon. People aren’t analyzing this rationally, they’re following the herd.
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“I’ll bet you haven’t had one in years. I don’t think that surprises anyone.” But here you are as well! Failed to pussybeg your maiden to have sex with you once again? She thanked you for the protection and went off with her douchebag hunk, huh? Dumbass.
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