Something seems worrying from the comments and observations I’ve read and heard personally, especially regarding Shuyukh building too rosy a picture about the ideal husband. It seems consistent to the current trend of making all aspects of Sharia to be like a law book where there must be one verdict at the end and someone must be proven guilty out of the two parties. What I mean is that, as far as we were taught in Madrasah, in many social/domestic contexts, there are two different commands for the people involved. A simple example is the encouragement in the Shar’ for the poor not to beg, whereas the rich have been encouraged to turn nobody away, etc. So, in the context of marriage, there are things that the wife must be told and things the husband must be told, and some both must be. I mean, what Shuyukh say about the ideal husband is no way incorrect, and if only the men would listen and learn, but is it appropriate to say that in front of women? I know people will say that it is said to men but then watched by women on YouTube, but I have heard where Shuyukh have spoken about it in the presence of both. Ulama (afaik) would usually speak about the ills of the audience in front of them. I know that often would make them feel very low, something it is argued that modern masses are unable to digest, causing them to be driven away, but there must be a balanced or wise way of getting the point through, no? I guess it’s a method we’ll have to come up with, something that will be hard to learn from “others†whose emphasis is merely on one’s rights and not duties. Maybe it’s a mix of the “rights†mind-set and an exaggerated attempt to recover the confidence of the Mathluma woman, that’s leading to what we’re talking about? Anyway, there must be a way. Haven’t our maktabs (well some of them) learnt how to discipline the students (tarbiyah, whatever the correct word is) without the luxury of the stick, or without giving in to adopting a hedonistic ethos of the child being allowed to do as he pleases? Although the analogy may be slightly extreme, is it not slightly similar to telling parents about their parenting shortcomings and advising them in front of their own children? Or, in a madrasah, lecturing the Asatitha in front of the students? There must be some similarities, albeit small (and I don’t mean to compare women to children or students, so will be grateful for a better example, then again I guess the richa nd poor one does). Therefore, what I suggest is that in mixed audiences (I mean where Men and Women are targets), those things are spoken about which concern both sides, i.e. parenting, sabr, shukr, qana’ah, etc., Then, the duties and right (of others) to be spoken about to each gender. Please do let me know where I’ve missed out on reality if I have.
“but that the reiteration of the same trope over a multitude of different media reinforce certain viewpoints.” If you know better, then no reiteration of “the moon is flat” is going to convince you that it is.
That couple, particularly the husband, has every right to announce – with proper etiquette – that they are in a monogamous marriage and not interested in additional marriages. If the husband, especially because of his chosen profession in the public eye interacts with a lot women directly or indirectly, he might have to repeat that on a regular basis throughout his life for those who didn’t get the memo.
In the beginning he used to tell me some of what happened to him from sisters in his classes, because he wanted my support, but then when he saw that it was hurting me, he kept it too himself and he tries his best to bottle it up. But this is not healthy too!!
I am intrigued, though, as to how this hatred of feminism has had to twist itself into a knot to try to get around the fact that an increasing number of men now sympathise with the movement. Interesting to see you’ve opted to try to dismiss it as a religion.
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“Another thing is that many (notice that I say many not all) sheiks and students of knowledge isolate themselves and focus only on seeking and spreading knowledge. They do not have knowledge about matters in this world such as relationship, politics…etc. When they face temptation from the opposite sex, they become confused, and may easily fall preys to the temptation.”
If I could speak to the shuyook about this issue I guess the first thing I would say is that you are in my duas. I can only imagine the sacrifice you and your family had to go through for you to study the deen of islam and I pray Allah always keeps you sincere. Secondly, I would say just be careful. Don’t change the way you are in terms of character because subhanAllah your characters serve as reminders and as models for most of us, but I would ask you to try and limit interaction with the opposite gender. I don’t know why, but we as women are strange individuals- even if you aren’t the most handsome man in the world if you treat us like queens then ultimately we will want you to be our king- if that makes sense! Basically what I’m saying is that perhaps be careful when speaking to sisters, especially online- keep the smileys limited and better yet non-existent…
“You are under no obligation to agree with her argument, but that isn’t the point.” Well it kinda is, since there’s a whole bunch of people who “disagrees” that are completely ignored by the mainstream, as well as her.
Which is why it’s better to engage with the arguments, rather than the person, and also why trying to argue authorial intention is flawed.
The Shi’i community doesn’t have this problem between sisters and seminary graduated scholars. However, this might creep up in places were discussions are led by learned members of the community who have not gone through a formal seminary education.
No one is claiming that it is haraam for women to sit in a class. No one is barring them from learning or taking classes but the point that there should be a screen between the genders and the point that we were informed that our homes are better for us and were warned against all the various forms of fitnah which come with mixing shouldn’t be ignored or overlooked.
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